So I've been married for almost 3 months. I'm sure that's not long enough to make any sweeping generalizations or pass on the seasoned wisdom of experience... but I do have some observations.
I was telling Chris that I wish people heard more about good marriages. When we became engaged, the doomsday talk began. I can't count on both hands the number of people who shared their personal experiences and summarized marriage thusly: "it is so hard... be prepared... it's the hardest thing you will ever do." Not to mention the comedic material that features dysfunctional marriages: immature men and insecure, overbearing women.
Now, as a caveat let me say that I do think that this is a separate issue from discussions of (a) gender roles, (b) gender identity, (c) roles in marriage, or (d) portrayals of gender in the media.
There is something acutely distinct about the function of a marriage from a personal, experiential standpoint.
And let me say this: marriage is NOT the hardest thing that we've ever done; marriage is fun and enjoyable; marriage is not any harder or more complicated than "normal" godliness. The characteristics that denote godliness are the same that it takes to be married.
In my marriage, we do not fight... ever. I always wondered: what do married people fight about? If you're a considerate roommate, a good communicator, and a selfless person, marriage is a joy.
LIFE is hard... marriage doesn't compound the stress but provides you with a partner to help you grow and learn and love better.
We stay awake late at night laughing and making jokes... we divide the chores... we go to the gym and out to dinner... we watch TV and do normal life stuff... along with the unconditional love and acceptance as well as the promise of someone always being there.
I don't understand petty squabbles about food or fun or housekeeping.
I do the laundry, he does the dishes. I work a long day and come home to a candle-lit house and him waiting with ice cream. He scratches my back and I rub his. We talk and worry about money... but blame for bad decisions is shared and good ones are enjoyed. We laugh. We talk seriously about life and God. We humbly accept the fact that we both have flaws and are willing to be seen and confronted in those flaws by each other.
We comparmentalize: this is a roommate moment, this is a friend moment, I need a ___ right now, will you be that to me? And being married means adjusting my mood for the moment to accomodate him and be what he needs.
We deeply respect each other. I would never yell at someone in my family - so why would I yell at him? Who you are in life, it would seem, is who you will be as a spouse.
And I will say this: it is hard to be a happily married person.
Nobody wants to hear about people who are married and love it. Nobody wants to hear that it's easy and pleasant and fun. Nobody. Why?
I love and am loved by my Bucky.
Two nights before we had a party at the McCarty house in North Port... then we had a nice Youell party with just us two anda tiny cake (and sparkling grape juice) and dinner out at Tina Tapas in Channelside.
