Our precious little celebration.
My unbelievable gift!Feb 16, 2009
Soy cansada
I’m tired of being cynical. It takes so much energy to hate this place, to pick out (however legitimately) the wildly unethical or inappropriate goings-on of Southern. I’m tired of taking it personally… people’s issues and sins. I’m tired of the hubris that drives me to see the sexism here directed at me rather than a general sin driven by issues like fear and insecurity. I’m tired of feeling bored or annoyed by my classes. I feel like I’ve fought for years now for truth and a pure pursuit of truth, attempting to convince others and even myself that the nature of Christianity is constant flux (growth, change and revelation). The reality is, I have no one’s ear. I just long to be passive: I long to be an impartial, unemotional observer.
I obviously have very strong objections to both the style and content of Christianity here at the seminary.
So, for hopefully the last time for a long time, I will complain… and then I will shut up.
What I’m sick of externally (outside myself)
-The tired things I keep hearing: marriage as a metaphor; dispensationalism – the word, the concept, etc; complimentarianism – “; unreasoned/oversimplified absolutism; insensitive or disparaging jokes about charismatics or catholics; irrational loyalty to Israelis; the unnecessary and random insertion of Greek words into everyday conversation; the long and unpronounceable names of German or Dutch theologians; southern accents; the “us v. them” of “lost v. saved”; villainizing fallen Christian; hierarchical structure: the popularity (hero-worship) of Dr. Moeller; racist comments (both overt and covert); abortion as the primary ethical dilemma in our culture (it’s not); the assumption that “we’re all on the same page” (we all know what assuming does)
-The tired questions I keep asking: if you have taught the same class for years, why would you ever stumble over your words/not know what to say or how to illustrate a point?; is extreme complimentarianism just about job security for men?; how can we live in this culture and know nothing about it?; where are all of these awesome churches with tight-knit communities that people go to? (as an aside, I love my church); how can you honestly think that any overweight man in a suit doing or saying anything at all is “cutting edge ministry”?; What happened to self-awareness?;
-The things I hate to keep seeing: men in suits; “poor” seminary students with iPhones; men who are proud (prideful) of their knowledge; men who argue to win.
There is a guy next to me in class trading stock, another on facebook… is this the training ground for ministry? Will we be launched from here into prosperous, meaningful ministry, well-equipped for the trials of lifelong mission?
My tone clearly uncovers my personal opinion. But I genuinely do wonder if people really buy-in to this place or if we merely stop our ears, shut out eyes and get through it. Is this a necessary evil to these people? Or is it just a place to show off our shared knowledge? Or is it a remaining safe place – a place to study in a vacuum, escape from the difficult things like relationships and hurting people?
The truth is – and I do know this – I will not be happy with this place. I will never find a place like this to be happy with. This is no longer my world or my desire. This is a means to an end. And so I will probably be here for another 3 years. And I have to stop hating it and just deal.
My one remaining question is: will I leave this place unscathed?
Chris and I have decided so steal the “Jesus fishes” off of everyone’s car, melt them down and make a statue of Dr. Moeller. Not that the seminary needs more sacred cows.
I’m done. I will zip my lips and extract every bit of God I can find from this place, treasure Him in my heart, and remember Africa.
I obviously have very strong objections to both the style and content of Christianity here at the seminary.
So, for hopefully the last time for a long time, I will complain… and then I will shut up.
What I’m sick of externally (outside myself)
-The tired things I keep hearing: marriage as a metaphor; dispensationalism – the word, the concept, etc; complimentarianism – “; unreasoned/oversimplified absolutism; insensitive or disparaging jokes about charismatics or catholics; irrational loyalty to Israelis; the unnecessary and random insertion of Greek words into everyday conversation; the long and unpronounceable names of German or Dutch theologians; southern accents; the “us v. them” of “lost v. saved”; villainizing fallen Christian; hierarchical structure: the popularity (hero-worship) of Dr. Moeller; racist comments (both overt and covert); abortion as the primary ethical dilemma in our culture (it’s not); the assumption that “we’re all on the same page” (we all know what assuming does)
-The tired questions I keep asking: if you have taught the same class for years, why would you ever stumble over your words/not know what to say or how to illustrate a point?; is extreme complimentarianism just about job security for men?; how can we live in this culture and know nothing about it?; where are all of these awesome churches with tight-knit communities that people go to? (as an aside, I love my church); how can you honestly think that any overweight man in a suit doing or saying anything at all is “cutting edge ministry”?; What happened to self-awareness?;
-The things I hate to keep seeing: men in suits; “poor” seminary students with iPhones; men who are proud (prideful) of their knowledge; men who argue to win.
There is a guy next to me in class trading stock, another on facebook… is this the training ground for ministry? Will we be launched from here into prosperous, meaningful ministry, well-equipped for the trials of lifelong mission?
My tone clearly uncovers my personal opinion. But I genuinely do wonder if people really buy-in to this place or if we merely stop our ears, shut out eyes and get through it. Is this a necessary evil to these people? Or is it just a place to show off our shared knowledge? Or is it a remaining safe place – a place to study in a vacuum, escape from the difficult things like relationships and hurting people?
The truth is – and I do know this – I will not be happy with this place. I will never find a place like this to be happy with. This is no longer my world or my desire. This is a means to an end. And so I will probably be here for another 3 years. And I have to stop hating it and just deal.
My one remaining question is: will I leave this place unscathed?
Chris and I have decided so steal the “Jesus fishes” off of everyone’s car, melt them down and make a statue of Dr. Moeller. Not that the seminary needs more sacred cows.
I’m done. I will zip my lips and extract every bit of God I can find from this place, treasure Him in my heart, and remember Africa.
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