This morning Mom told me about a word that a lady in the church had for me. It was something to the effect of: Joy is a square in a round world; she is misunderstood and different, she needs to be freed, released. Perhaps not coincidentally, Leah and I discussed this as we visited all weekend. I've missed her more than I can say.
I've often said that the relationships I've collected are with people who are similarly unassimilated. I don't pretend to be run of the mill. Neither do I claim to be fabulously unique. I know I'm genuinely different. A lot of times people talk, and honestly, I can't identify. I can't relate.
It's not a good feeling... it is a feeling of being displaced, alone, outside.
I keep saying, 'I wish I could be a good Christian girl.' And part of me is... but part of me feels least connected to the masses of Christian people.
I'm not a rebellious 14 year old who has chosen a life of rebellion. I'm an adult woman who is self-confident and asserts my God-given freedom to live a certain life. Is this a gift? It feels like a curse. I don't feel privileged, I don't feel included, I don't feel accepted. I just feel shut out of my remaining social niche...
Do I stay or do I go?
At least I have my fellow squares.
1 comment:
Reach...and hold, hold, hold.
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