Distraction and Misinformation

     In our American world of alleged sophistication and "1st-world-ness", I find it immensely frustrating that we are so willing to judge the unknown. For all our claims of tolerance and you're-ok-I'm-ok postmodernism, I sense a much more real dynamic of intolerance, judgment, and even hatred towards people who disagree. There is perhaps no better time to see people's true colors than in a time of political transition. I feel a mixture of amusement and annoyance with facebook right now, as people who probably have no genuine political convictions feel free to vent their opinion on health care... people I know well enough to know that they have probably not researched this bill, being scared off at the first mention of "big government" and ambiguous, sinister references to socialism. The same people who didn't vote. Or who voted without truly believing that they were voting for a cause or for change. To everyone who voted for the "cool black guy" rather than a politician who made no apologies and cast no illusions that he was going to initiate change: shame on you.


     I think that a healthy discussion among people who disagree is beneficial. I do not, however, think that anyone is benefitting, growing, or becoming better educated from biting comments about how we hate our president. I voted for him knowing full well that he was going to make changes... and, frankly, he hasn't made many. I understand that I am certainly on the good end of health care reform... one of those who will benefit from it and there are those who will not. I also understand that the increase of government's involvement in things like healthcare is a change that could be a catalyst towards a mild form of socialism many many years down the road if it continues unchecked (unlikely)... but I understand these things because I've researched them. I'm okay with these things not because I'm 1. blindly committed to any partisan agenda or 2.think Obama is infallible... in any political scenario you have to pick your poison. Whatever my commitment or yours, as I know I differ with many of my friends on this issue, have some respect. If people are as angry as they sound, and hate the President that much, they can certainly relocate out of country for two years and maybe better luck next time. This hatred gets us nowhere.

Partie Deux: The Legitimacy of Youths

Disclaimer 1. I only use the word "generation" because the comparable replacements feel inadequate. I do not endorse the rampant overuse of this word as anything other than an age-bracket.
Dislcaimer 2. I do not think that a lack of respect on the part of elders for youths is without its counterpart (a lack of respect on the part of youths for elders). We are both deserving of some disdain. I simply think that here in Western PA, there is a cultural preference based on age (as though older = better).

Not youth, but youths.
Of course I preface this by saying that if anyone can see the flaws in mine and surrounding cultures/peer groups, it's me. My carefully honed critical nature has certainly given me plenty of ammo to "rip my generation a new one," if you will. However, I feel like my friends and I need to defend ourselves for a moment to those older people who would either consider us a lost cause or dismiss us as inadequate to the tasks of adulthood. Neither of these condemnations are true.

Let's consider: never has a generation been privy to both the amount and accessibility of information as ours. Do you want to know the definition of the word auspicious? Dictionary.com I can find it in... about 3 seconds. I could research obscure diseases, donate money to a charity, buy groceries & home supplies (alice.com, love it) in probably 10 min. total.

We not only have access but we also have the technological know-how to instantly familiarize ourselves with this vast body of knowledge. We've come a long way from the days of DOS and there is no arguing with the immeasurably superior ability of people my age to interact with technology from our parents' generation: they have to constantly learn and work to know new technology whereas for most of us it is not only second-nature, it's our hobby.

Education has never been more common: statistically, we have vastly more college graduates in my generation already than my parents ever had. Now, whether or not this education is as academically challenging or not, it is certainly more beneficial to go to college than simply to graduate from highschool and enter the work force.

We have much more life experience at a much younger age than our parents and grandparents. Let me explain, international travel is not only easier, it is more sought-after. I have traveled more at 24 than at least 75% of Americans in their 40's and 50's (and that's a very generous estimate). While I may not have the maturity to glean the same insights into humanity as the result of these travels as an older person, I also have a more open mind to accept cultural differences without imposing western morals or ideals.

We have traveled more places, met more people/kinds of people, communicated in more languages, done more internships, had more creative employment, eaten more kinds of food, and simply seen more than our predecessors.

All of that said, of course I realize that the majority of my peers are irresponsible, spoiled, and have no work ethic. However, I think it needs to be said that those of us who get it, who really have a handle on life, are better equipped, better educated, and have more resources than any previous generation. I'm sure the same will be said of the next.
   I need to say this because I look at people in authority, people who structure church & state, people who try to explain to me what life is like, and I feel unsure of the superiority of their vantage point. While I know there is no replacement of years, I chafe at the idea that years alone qualify someone as wise. I think true maturity comes from seeing the world as it is: I understand that war is difficult, I too have seen people shot; I understand that finances are challenging, I have lived in 3rd world poverty; I understand that life requires thought and self-improvement, I have extensively studied theology and philosophy... yes, my peers and I have a lifetime of growing up to do... but that does not illegitimize the fact that we have a voice that should be heard.
   I'm not normally this cheesy (although I almost always go on these little tirades) - but the future belongs to us, let's make the pass-off as smooth as possible.

"As is the generation of leaves, so is that of humanity.

The wind scatters the leaves on the ground, but the live timber
Burgeons with leaves again in the season of spring returning.
So one generation of men will grow while another dies."
Homer, Iliad

Change (Not As In Loose)

  Lately, in many of my life contexts, the topic of discussion has been change: the dynamic nature of life, relationships, and individuals.
  Some people, it has been posited, are pre-disposed to acclimate to change or even invite change with relative ease. Others, perhaps worriers or more type-a people, resist and even fear change.
  But here's the rub: change is inevitable... not an option... even for the unwilling worrywart, change happens. Life cycles on in its brutal karmaic tradition and our propensity to handle change well either leaves us growing and dynamic or bitter. I do think that a lot of bitterness stems from life "changing without our permission." We don't want our friends and family to move away or die. We don't want to learn new jobs and skills. We don't want to lose money, homes, security. We resent teenagers for defying our treasured traditions.....

But the times they are a'changing... and we either adapt and engage or withdraw and become irrelevant, lost in memories of "better days," stubbornly unaware that THIS is the time of the harvest, the day of salvation.

"The function off the historian is neither to love the past nor to emancipate himself from the past, but to master and understand it as the key to the understanding of the present." ~ E. H. Carr

Sticky Jam Hands

Faith always jokes about how, for no apparent reason, kids who have eaten no jam whatsoever always have sticky hands. Sticky, sweaty, dirty...

Real life kids are messy messy. They are real: moody, disobedient, angry, frustrated. Certain emotions, I think, are just the result of developing. I always say, "it's hard to be so little" because I'm sure it is! I got a wisdom tooth a couple of weeks ago and let me tell you, teething is sooo painful! Imagine not being able to use words yet to explain what you want or need. Kids are always stretching towards independence (Nolan always wears his clothes backwards, because he wants to put them on himself, but is enraged by the tag tickling his neck) and drawing back towards the safety of immaturity (Mason is the big brother but gets jealous when I hold Addy).

Kids are contradictory and frustrating and frustrated... and, in my opinion, in this day and age, in DESPERATE need of parenting.

(With 10+ years of childcare experience...) Here's what I see:

1a. Inconsistency. In one instance, a child is reprimanded immediately for yelling and nagging ("can I have juice? can I have juice? can I have juice?") BUT when the parent is distracted, like, talking to the nanny, the child can get away with asking 25 times and then being given juice to "shut him up" so we can continue our adult conversation. This is not fair to the kid. He doesn't know what to expect! How can you possibly expect a 4 year old to reason through the probability here: he wants juice in the worst way so if 25% of the time asking 25 times works, he'll continue that behavior. Only when asking 25 times works 0% of the time will this behavior stop.

So... stop what you are doing whatever it is and wherever you are and parent your child. That five minutes will make all of the difference.

1b. Consistency further extends to punishment: the reactionary parent. A kicking and screaming child, first thing in after morning snuggles when she is fresh and new and wonderful may be tolerated with angelic patience. Fast forward to 9:30 at night after an hour of bedtime charades and disobediences, the kid is yelled at and thrown into her dark room to "obey me, RIGHT NOW!" Again, this is not fair to the kid. In one situation, her behavior was tolerated and in another it was punished. When a parent punishes in a reactionary way, based on his or her mood, the child's boundaries become inconsistent parameters for behavior... and are negligible at best. Boundaries have to be consistent or a child is constantly off-balance, which creates nervousness and fear and uncertainty: how do you think that child will act?

So... don't throw your kid off-balance by inconsistent reactions! Set the boundaries and stick to them. Take a deep breath and realize that a little self-control now will lead to a lot more household peace later.

2. You are not your child's best friend. At best, you are your toddler's sometime-playmate. But to envision every interaction you have with your child being free of negativity is delusional. Kids make bad choices: they choose to hit and not share and talk back and a parent is the figure God put in that child's life to help them know what a good choice is and learn how to make it. If the first thought in a parent's mind regarding "why I had kids" is "to have fun" then I can guarantee that parent is creating a monster.

So... a little bit of unpleasant discipline goes a long way.

3. Get over the guilt. Compensatory parenting seems to be so common: "I had so little, I want my kids to have the world" or "I shouldn't have gotten angry at you, sure you can have a cookie." Most parents want their children to have a great life and most parents get too angry sometimes. BUT you can definitely give your children too much AND you do not have to explain your parenting mistakes or techniques to your child. Imperfect parenting (which is 100% of parenting) can still produce wonderful, successful people.

So... the best way to poise your children for a good life is to make them good people. This requires a lot of discipline and instruction, which you won't always get right but you cannot cannot cannot give up on!

(This next one may be my most important point...)

4. If your child has a "bad day" everyday, he or she is probably a bad kid. I don't know how difficult it is to process this as a parent but this reality check is absolutely necessary if any turn-around can happen. Once in a while, your child doesn't feel well or is sleepy and acts based on that mood... but to empower your child to constantly excuse his or her bad behavior is handing that kid a trump card for every naughty act. I watch a four year old who tells me, "go away, I have a headache" and proceeds to try to rip his two year old brother's hair out with his teeth, while choking him. This is a bad kid not a bad day and the sooner his mom realizes it the better... because a 14 year old who is this violent and takes no responsibility for his actions will be a nightmare.

So... stop supplying your kid a script for irresponsibility and see the patterns - if he acts like a bad kid, well, he probably is. He doesn't have to be.

Maybe this all sounds pretentious and presumptuous... I am not a parent... but I have seen these patterns over & over in such a variety of homes that I imagine they are norms. In part I am venting because if I said these things to the person I want to say them to... I would lose one of my jobs. ;) (not you, Tami, you're great). ;)

Vietnamese Pork Meatballs

Vietnamese Pork Meatballs

I got the original idea for this from a Vietnamese cookbook but I changed it completely, so I feel ok taking credit. ;)

This can probably feed about 4 people. Yum!

Ingredients for meatballs:

1 lb. ground pork

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. pepper

1 tsp MSG

1 T finely ground lemongrass

2 garlic cloves, minced

About 1 inch of ginger, finely ground

2-3 mint leaves, chopped teeny tiny

1 T lime juice

Combine ingredients & form meatballs - I sized mine pretty large, see below

Oil in frying pan, cook evenly until brown -

When they're done, put them into a bowl with paper towel & pat lightly to remove grease

I served these with rice noodles and spicy peanut dipping sauce.

Side Salad -

Salad dressing ingredients:

1/2-1 cup oil (I just used vegetable oil - anything light would work but I would steer clear from Olive or Sesame)

1 handful of mint leaves

1 handful of Kaffir lime leaves

Juice from one lime

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. pepper

1 T lemongrass, finely ground

Blend in food processor

Salad:

I used endive & romaine (neither of which are Vietnamese, obviously, but we needed some leafy greens that day) - chopped tomatoes, cucumber, and white onion. I think a more traditional Vietnamese side would be iceberg or cabbage with carrots & cucumber. :)

This is really not hard to make and SOOO flavorful!

Happy Halloween!

Our little Halloween party - fun!
(These are out of order because I struggle with computers)
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!


Wii!Annnd halfway through the night he just looks like a drag queen.

"You can learn a lot of things from the flowers... but especially in the month of June"

The White Rabbit

The Bartholics

Danielle & Kyle as old ladies

No time to say hello - goodbye! I'm late I'm late I'm late.

The Baileys

Andy as himself

Shell as Alexandria from The Fall - best costume EVER!

Ian as a Ukranian... I'm not quite sure... from a movie? He looked cool and serenaded us on his accordian :)

Way-pregnant Anna as a roll of Lifesavers ;)

Shell!

Winter (but unfortunately not of my discontent)

Today a new chill is in the air - as if the gracious autumnal transition has bypassed us. It's not the shocking degree but the static slanting light that foreshadows the cold to come.
I don't feel this way about the weather alone; my life itself has a forecast which I refuse to call bleak but cannot call exciting. The prospect of living this version of life for years to come is unbearable. It makes me still - deeply still, which for me is the utmost manifestation of a violent resignation. I hate to resign myself to life as it is but know that I have no choice. I am doing what I must do and living how I must live based on my own choices.
It is a radical and immediately transformative revelation that the perpetuity of life's events happen in a cause & effect (decision & consequence) manner... inescapably.

I am living a straight line.
There are no curves and
No surprises...
No upcoming turns
Or tweaks to the plan.
I act correctly because I no longer retain the adolescent luxury of rebellion - this system is my god and I cannot escape its unbending rule.
This is a closed system of finite possibilities.
and I have no wonder anymore.
I feel like an ancient idiot who marvels at insipid, blithe youth with both envy and resentment.
What is left to enjoy?
The orange is sucked dry.

The hard part with this, as with any dismal season of life, is that I cannot grin and bear it and jump to a time when it will be otherwise... I am daily being formed by this... this work and repetition and boredom and cold. I want its filthy hands off of me - but that too is not a choice I have.

To quote Tobias, "And so I will toil on through this waking life."

Vacation!

Grilling out

Me and Nathan

Badmitton? (spelling?) We played volleyball too and... pretty much dominated.

Going to church

Dad and the girls

Height order

Age order - yes, everyone knows I'm the shortest... let's move on.

The sibs

Mom and the girls

My old bike... took a super short ride (it is like a sauna out here)

Fun times!!! Now back to work :( and Chris :)

Harrison Hills Park trails

the only chair I've ever seen that dwarfs my husband ;)

Opera in the park