am (as in vs. pm)

It's morning. I have that weird heat on my body from rushing around, grooming, as I inevitably must since my hair takes on a life of its own in the night, arranging itself in all types of weird peaks and spikes. I can't see outside so I don't know if the day is nice. I've blasted the praise music today, trying to get myself into some kind of serious-mindedness. These days, I wonder what God thinks of me. I wonder if He still likes me or if He's kind of fed up. Sure He loves me but I wonder if He digs me anymore. It makes me feel kind of sick in my stomach to think that He doesn't. It also makes me feel kind of helpless... a veritable Alice, tumbling downward, only able to observe with infantile expressions of delight or disgust the objects rushing past her. Sometimes that's how I feel: life is rushing past, moments are lost all too soon, opportunities are swallowed up in the unalterable waves of time... I will see this shore no more; this horizon will never discover itself to me again. That doesn't always make me despair: surely it alone is the reason that we feel the need to savor life. Carpe diem.

"What man has written man may read; But God fills every root and seed/With cryptic words too strangely set;For mortals to decipher yet." -Charles Dalmon