Post-happy

I miss everyone. Maybe everyone I've ever met. Anyways, I know I'm going a bit post-crazy, but I'm a bit stifled these days.

Irrationality and modern philosophy - my life, these days...

I'm reading Schaeffer's "He is There and He is Not Silent" (again).
I was expressing to Ginger the other day my personal dryness these days. I think so much of it is a result of living daily in a community with whom I am in acute philosophical and theological dissonance. These are modern liberals, post-modernists... and some of them even non-thinkers. And it is so very very hard for me!I think Schaeffer articulates well the basic problems I have with this version of thought (or non-thought):

"Much that is religious, and specifically the Western liberal theology, moves over into the field of irrationality and says, 'We have no answer for this, but let us take a step of faith against all reason and all reasonableness and say that God is good.' That is the position of all modern liberal theology, whether it is the old-line rational liberalism or whether it is the Barthian thinking. But this should be seen for what it is: a part of the answer of chaos and irrationality...."

This is part of the reason that I categorize so many of the sermons I'm hearing and testimonies of "God's power" as nonsense! It is not only unrational, it is probably irrational... anti-rational. And it infuriates and befuddles me. How can we content ourselves with such nonsensical, foolish explanations? There ARE answers!!! Is Christianity so philosophically inept that we cannot even articulate rational answers to the problems or phenomena of life? Absolutely not. I refuse to believe I'm living with such a dysfunctional, stupid system of belief. And Schaeffer speaks to this end, as well:

"Evangelicals often make a mistake today. Without knowing it, they slip over into a weak position. They often thank God in their prayers for the revelation we have of God in Christ. This is good as far as it goes, and it is wonderful that we do have a factual revelation of God in Christ. But I hear very little thanks from the lips of evangelicals today for the propositional revelation in verbalized form that we have in the scriptures. He must indeed not only be there, but he must have spoken. And he must have spoken in a way that is more than simply a quarry for emotional, upper-story experiences. We need propositional facts. We need to know who he is, and what his character is, because his character is the law of the universe. He has told us what his character is, and this becomes our moral law, our moral standard. It is not arbitrary, for it is fixed in God himself, in what has always been. It is the very opposite of what is relativistic. It is either this or morals are not morals, but simply sociological averages or arbitrary standards imposed by society or the state. It is one or the other."

I am almost desperately hungry for...

theological imperatives
unyielding standards
absolute truth claims...

Isn't Christianity supposed to supply this? Mine does. I will cling by my fingernails if I have to ... but I refuse to abandon this for emotional brainlesness.

Under da sea and on the road

I've been waiting for these Mozamique pics. Andrew had an underwater camera! Hooray! So even though these aren't fabulous... their fabulousness lies in the fact that they are a record of my snorkeling experience off an island in Mozambique! It was windy, cloudy and stormy but then I could stick my head underwater and experience this fun, colorful world... it was an odd and striking contrast. We found a reef and I got to see some wonderful fish up there... nemos and dories... and this one teal and purple fish that stuck out its fins to greet me. So fun.

"The fish is my friend too. I have never seen or heard of such a fish. But I must kill him. I'm glad we do not have to kill the stars." -Hemingway in "The Old Man and the Sea"

Pt 2

It's a weird life, this.... nomadic, mostly uncomfortable, rustic, surprising, challenging... novel...

(to whom it may concern, this is by far my favorite picture of Chris Youell EVER. He's to the left of Ryan - the guy scowling in the blue shirt and glasses. This captures him - poor 6'3" Chris who is forced to travel for 20 hours with no leg space and not enough food. Grumpy gills.)

This is a really big bug we found at a missionary's house in Mozambique. Yikes.

This is the most thoughtful potty-attempt we've experienced thus far... while out in the bush in Mozambique, the people knew that we were accustomed to sitting down... so they rigged a seat-like operation over the standard hole. So precious.

Here's Katie putting on mascara in the bush. It's so cute how ecstatic and weirded out kids get. But, yaknow, every culture in the world has their beauty rituals and appreciates our attempts.

Here I am doing homeschool with Maggie and Rudo, the missionary kids in Villanculos! The girls did everything from sewing to compiling databases to sorting clothes for orphans to chainsawing trees to building a bathroom.

We are leading crazy lives.

Happy Birthday Brienna!

My team left me yesterday! I am officially at crunch-time now for Jimmy and I to depart to Thailand. We're gonna head to Cambodia, maybe Myanmar, the Philippines and hang out around Thailand to set up the next leg of the journey for World Race. It is actually fun to do all of this networking and all of this "normal" type work. I would ask for you to pray, though, that doors and windows and whatever else we need is open for us, especially in Cambodia and Myanmar! It's lots of work but I think we're cut out for it. Keep us in your prayers!

I miss you, Mom.

Oh, and the point of this post (oops, crazy scatter brained), is Happy Birthday Brienna! My teamie Brienna had a Bday. She is my comic relief and fabulously opinionated "mama" on this trip this year. Our team would be tragically deprived without her! Love you!

p.s. Check out my new travbuddy map on the bottom of this page! It blacks out (or purples out, more specifically) all of the countries I've been to. 14% and counting!

Amanda

My precious friend Amanda left WR as of about 3 weeks ago (has it been that long??). I miss her!! She is a beautiful, godly woman. She has a life full of ministry and fruitfulness ahead of her. She really is one of the friendliest, most open-hearted people I've met. Not to mention she is almost single-handedly (she plus Ninja) responsible for the funnest times on WR. And if that's not a ministry, I don't know what is.

404 4 ever.

My mommy

I do not overspeak when I say that I am nearest of kin to one of the true followers of God. And I miss her so badly I can barely say that much. I think I e-mailed her six times today just to tell her that I've missed her. For the first time in my life I think that I may be a trifle homesick.

But my point is this, in all truth: I want to be the kind of person who purposefully aligns my life with true believers.. people whose theology and character are proven and sure. And, as I was telling my precious Chris Youell the other day, I am related to some such people, not the least of whom is my beautiful mother. She has a level of integrity and lives in such a place of passion for God and truth that I can't help but know that she has seen God. I want to know her secrets and live close to her pattern of life. I want to be her friend and be mentored by her.

I mean it, Mom. I know it's Father's Day and all, but this is my belated Mother's Day post (I'm running about 6 weeks behind on this blogging thing.) I love you so much. I miss you! See you in 5 months!

Swaziland

We're doing debrief and team stuff here in Swazi. We are halfway through our trip! It's amazing to see how far we've come as a team and as individuals.

Before the next team of racers came for training, we had a full day of silence... it was a beautiful time of reflection for me.

Some of my musings:

-From 2/14/07: A prayer, "I don't need to be great. I need to be fully yours."

-I love that things like this are in scripture - "Oh that I had wings like a dove; I would fly away and be at rest" (Psalm 55:6).

-My distinction as a missionary is none other than the very presence of God: "....Is it not your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth" (Exodus 33:16b).

-In London my feeling of disquiet began. Sometimes this wandering lifestyle is so tiring! I wrote, "The 'winds change' in my life so much that I'm afraid to put up my sails."

-I was contemplating my time in Mozambique and asking God a lot of pointless "why?'s". I came across a fabulous quote in Chesterton's book The Man Who Was Thursday - "'I am not happy,' said the Professor with his head in his hands, 'because I do not understand. You let me stray a little too near hell."

-On a similar note, my favorite book of the Bible comes through again with profundities too precious to be commented on... I could do it no justice. It alone speaks volumes: "And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God hasled you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord" (Deuteronomy 8:2 & 3).