Not even

My week of "dealing with this" is almost up. And I'm allowing myself one week. One week to over-eat and sulk and feel sorry for myself. Sorry that it is completely over. So completely. So tragically. I kept this tiny little door of opportunity open for him and now even that door is so irrevocably shut that I have no words. I just sit on the stairs and cry. It's like all of the fates (or divine providence, I suppose) collaborated to make it completely impossible for me to even go back. It would be unethical for me to try... because he should be with someone else and make a family. And so I will step out forever.

I've always said that nothing but the deepest of love could ever inspire me to marry.
Now I must recognize that not even the deepest of love can convince me to stay.

Strange.

"Baby says I can't come with him/And I had read all of this in his eyes/Long before he even said so why go I asked/You know and I know why/And it'll be just as quiet when I leave/As it was when I first got here/I don't expect anything/I don't expect anything/Take care I've been hurt before/Too much time spent on closing doors/You may hate me but I'll remember to love you/And goodbye don't cry/You know why."

"Quiet" by Rachael Yamagata