Unlikely source

An unlikely source to provoke decent thought... but it did, nonetheless. I'm sitting in "the chicken place" while Annie studies and the boys watch the second-by-second update of a basketball game (welcome to the luxuries of missionary life!).
I'm reading "Dracula" by Bram Stoker. I feel it is necessary for me to be well read... but it is kind of... eerie, spooky, terrifying, etc.

This quote, tho, provoked thought. And since I haven't done a book review in a while...

"'You are a clever man, friend John; you reason well, and your wit is bold; but you are too prejudiced. You do not let your eyes see nor your ears hear, and that which is outside your daily life is not of account to you. Do you not think that there are things which you cannot understand, and yet which are; that some people see things that others cannot? But there are things old and new which must not be contemplate by mens eyes, because they know--or they think they know--some things which other men have told them. Ah, it is the fault of our science that it wants to explain all; and if it explain not, then it says there is nothing to explain. But yet we see around us every day the growth of new beliefs, which think themselves new; wand which are yet but the old, which pretend to be young--like the fine ladies at the opera."

Hm.

Things that go thump

Uneven paveway
Rocky road? Haha.
Bikes jolting around
Tin roof
Falling, falling... thump
The clash
Of the unusual
Becoming familiar
Normalcy is a sieve
For my very perception
Knife slicing...
Broccoli, tomatoes, carrots
Varying thickness
Varying sounds
Scorching winds scatter dust
Crunch
Clump clump
Thick shoes
Revving engine
Motorcycle?
Collisions and avoidances
The essence of relationships
Set the cup down
Tap the keyboard again
Music on my ipod
Tap the toes
Smack the table
Brush the dirt off
Get that dirt off your shoulder...
Brush brush
Scrape
Swish splash
Wash
Silky swipe
Paint
Rub hard
Pat softly
Squeeze and release
And just listen
To the things that go thump
And bump
Skid, slide, swirl, swoosh
Slow down to hear what rushes by.

Moi Bonita Guatemala!

Team is good... Guatemala is moi bonita! I'm working in an orphanage/school in the mornings in the kitchen. I chop thousands of peas... serve up atol to the kids... mop, sweep, wash dishes literally for two hours straight... yes, I do. Then I get my coffee and walk home slowly, usually worshiping and praying. After lunch I rest for a few minutos and then jet to the hospital. I work at the hospital with the abuellas! It's the first thing I actually want to take pictures of... these ladies are precious! Hilarious! I get so much joy from this. One lady in particular, Donya Alejandra, literally hates me... she yells at me every time I come near her. It's actually funny to me because I know she doesn't mean it. Most of the ladies are wonderful to me.
Due to my lack of Spanish, I've started learning to draw. So I take my pencils, markers and paper to the hospital and draw pictures of the abuellas... then I show it to them and let them color it! I didn't realize they liked them until I saw all my pictures taped up on the wall in their common area. Precious.
I've also found that drawing is a good conversation starter... as I sit in the park I draw and people come up and ask what I'm doing, am I an art student, etc. and it's a great segue into conversation.
So, God is good. I feel more useful at last and am very content in my daily life here in Antigua.
Dios la bendiga!

This post was largely for MOM. Travelogue. Good times.

Editorial

Here're life pics... from Puerto Barrios and Livingston

Top to bottom
Team getting ready to leave with our packs... yes, I carry all of my life possessions like this for hours in the blazing sun... that may be a little dramatic but it is heavy; I can sleep anywhere anytime... this is on a slow boat to Livingston; we had evening church at someone's house in Livingston; many generous families hosted us for lunch; the last morning we made our pastor's family a big pancake breakfast... dulce!; hot springs day trip... sure it smelled like sulphur but it was hot water nonetheless; tenting it in the church; playing music in Porto Barrios with my boyfriend.

Guatemala pics

Livingston
This pastor's family could be the happiest family I've met. There was something about them that reminded me of my family. There were an alleged 12 kids, though we met only 6 or so... they all live in this lovely dirt floor compound and the father is the pastor of this church. They play together. We fell asleep at night to the sound of them all up, laughing together. This pastor knows his congregation and cares deeply for them. He has a tender heart. Armando, the 15 year old son, and I played keyboard and guitar and sang songs. They are just fun and I am very encouraged in my heart to know that they live and labor for the same God.

*oh, and for the record, I did NOT wake up at 5 in the morning to see this sunrise. But I heard it was good.

Guatemala!

Antigua, Guatemala is completely lovely. I am in heaven. It is such a cultural change from Mexico... coffee shops everywhere, lots of tourists around, heavenly weather (low 70s I´d guess), paved roads, pretty people. I´m looking forward to my time here. Please pray that we get to work at an orphanage! For full details of the race, see one of the other blogs... they´ve written incredibly detailed reports of our 5am wake up call (amigos! Amigos!), lake submersion, and surprise race start. I am proud of my team. We were able to maintain a good balance of fun and competition. I enjoy the challenge of the race portions!
More importantly, though, I am excited about seeing what roads the Holy Spirit has prepared here in Guatemala. I am eager to be obedient to his leading this month.

The 1st pic is one Josh snapped of me praying.
The 2nd pic is of the cross we had to hike up to in Antigua (early morning... raced to it, prayed for an hour, then raced to a park and a fountain for the finish line.)

MX norms

I feel like I want to compile a list of MX stuff. I´m already in Guatemala... good trip (long trip, good grief). But I don´t want to forget things I thought about MX while there for a month.

Mexico (Aguilar, Chiapas)

Mexico is...

-The land of many speed bumps (there are speed bumps everywhere! And you don´t slow down in advance... the driver slams on his brakes just before and then creeps over the bump. Why?)
-The land of corn tortillas. Every taco stand on the side of the road sells tacos with semi spicy salsa, super greasy, wrapped in a napkin... a corn tortilla and either carne or intestines of some sort all wrapped up for about 4 pesos.
-The currency, obviously, is pesos. During our time here it´s been about 10.74 ex rate.
-Mexicans are, as a rule, pretty friendly people. It seems rare to speak English, though.
-Mexico is low class. In general, it is a very poor country compared to other Latin countries. There is a lot of rural living that really only consists of the basic necessities of life. I wouldn´t consider it impoverished by any means but it is very minimal living. There are, however, many available European style toilets.
-Oranges. A lot of oranges. (the fruit)
-Mexicans are big on eating meat and it seems pretty accessible. The best foods I ate here were tamales (cooked in a banana leaf) and tacos.
-Plantains and bananas look very similar here. Jon had a funny incident with that.
-The Mexican church leadership seems to be vastly under trained. Few have had theological education and there seems to be a lack of unity between denominations... a very lamentable lack of support systems for pastors, especially those working in rural areas.
-Much more mountanous and gorgeous than I thought! Lush and green... we were here during a rainy season so there was a lot of mud but there are always many many bodies of water. I didn´t expect that.
-TURKEYS EVERYWHERE. Gobble gobble all night long.
-Nasty, mangy dogs roam the streets by the dozens.
-Most kids wear clear plastic sandals. Most adults wear muck boots (presumably because they work in the fields).
-There is a huge cultural norm of cabeilleros or cowboys! They ride horses with Mexican style blankets on them, wear cowboy hats and big belt buckles, play mariachi music and sleep in hammocks (we lived with one such man). It is very Mexican. Very machismo.
-Bright colors... Mexicans appreciate bright houses, signs, and clothes. Very very saturated colors.

I liked Mexico much more than I expected to.
God, I pray your divine presence settle on Mexico in a powerful way. Revive the Mexican Church. God I leave my blessing on Mexico.

To sum up...

...satisfactory first month. Soy contento. MX has been fab. Aguilar, our little town, was terrif. Mi corazon es moi triste to leave these precious ninos. I really do love them. I dove into this thing headfirst and am content.

I want to live well and love well. I did both insofar as I know how.

Here are my babies.

My favorite little girl is Juana. The boys are fab ... Nato, Idao, Jose, Migel, Luis (me amore... my nobio according to him), Pasqual, Nicolas, and on... and on... and lovelies.

Living

I just had coffee with Amanda, my mentoring partner for WR. We had a good vent. I am in Palenque (in a city) for the next couple of days after a week in a more rural setting called Aguilar out here in southern MX. I was sad to leave this morning... I love being with the kids in Aguilar.

Anyways, Amanda and I are woven of similar fabric. We both love people and traveling but rather cringe at traditional white man missions. It is bad enough to perform cultural faux paus unwittingly but even worse to impose our version of spirituality on people before whom is displayed the majesty of God in the form of mountains and rivers and skies.

I was reading in Psalm 19 about how the heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of his hands... there is no speech or language where there voice is not heard, their message goes out to the ends of the earth. (I cannot find quote marks on this keyboard, apologies). It makes me realize this one essential truth, especially of people surrounded by natural beauty, the innate message of creation (that there exists a personable Creator God) is louder and more meaningful than any message I could articulate with my feeble words.

I am not here to make Christians... I am here to live. As I sat on top of a hill the other day and had some time with the Lord, he kept reminding me, THIS is why you are here. To be with Jesus. To adventure with Jesus. To live with Jesus.

These people, any people, do not need my words (even less my English words, since they speak Espanol, haha), they need to know this Creator God, who has gone to such great pains to display himself and his character in their world.

My voice is so weak compared to his. The voice of the Lord breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon... so I will speak, of course, when I can... but more importantly, I will walk with Juana down to the river and clap for Jose as he learns to jump rope and throw the frisbee with Migel and I will go about my living... hoping never to think myself capable of eclipsing the grandeur of Gods glorious message, alive all around me, available to all mankind.

Oh, and...

Today we had a prophecy session (these crazy charismatic AIM people! They are seriously more charismatic than I AM and that´s saying something) and God was having people call out what they feel their calling or ¨inheritance¨ is.

This is what God said to me -

You will hold dying people. You will escort people dying of AIDS to the gates of heaven. You will witness, to honor and dignify, the final moments of people´s lives, pray the final benediction, and usher their spirits into the presence of God.

That isn´t appealing. But I feel it very deeply within me.

Check

I´ve spent the last like 6 months checking all of these things off my list - buy a tent, bug repellant, sleeping bag, plenty of decently cute clothes so my self esteem doesn´t come entirely unglued as I slowly devolve into an amazon missionary woman... yaknow, the normal stuff. As I´ve gotten going, tho, I´ve noticed the main check has been in my spirit. (how cool was that transition?) (ok, it´s contrived, but I seriously have way too much time to think through all these rather boring training sessions) (moving on).
I´ve realized two main things - missions is my callin (I´m alive again!) and I need daily reality checks.
I´m reading Francis Schaeffer to keep my brain alive.. and this quote grabbed me by the throat and held me up for a second of breathless self-examination -
¨Man´s attempted autonomy has robbed him of any certain reality.¨
It´s so easy for me to say that I depend on God... I don´t stress about 30 hour bus rides or sleeping on a cement floor or bugs... I´m easygoing, I want to do the Lord´s will with all of my heart, I will go wherever he says... and yet... and yet.
And yet of course there is a part of me - maybe quite a large part if I´m honest - that separates. I escape from a God who knows me too well, a God who loves me too much for comfort sometimes (I´m not worthy! says my false humility), who sees everything. And I want my autonomy. I want to be Joy. All that that is in its uniqueness and specialness. I don´t want to die to flirting, gossip, self-indulgence, pride. I don´t want to be completely honest about my past or my pain. And that is the catalyst for a life disassociated from reality.
I think I feel this most acutely because I really am most myself on the mission field. This is me, the purpose for which I was born, and my soul knows it very well. So I am confronted in that incredibly naked moment by the reality of God... and I would rather dream. I would rather think I´m great.
I doubt this is an unnatural place to be but it is undesirable. I want this year to really be totally present in every moment... without my typical daydreams or fantasies. Even if my fantasy is an orphanage with charismatic 3 year olds, that dream can still be an escape for me from the moment of smallness or helplessness that I don´t want to feel.
I want to see God´s eyes and not turn away.
I don´t want to live embarassed...
I don´t want to live escapist...
I want to really live...
And my reality check is that the only way to do that is to really die.

And More!

Jimmy's artsy B&W shots.

More

I'm starting to get that weird-somewhat-desperate-spend-every-minute-and-make-sure-to-record-it-by-taking-lots-of-pictures mode. Three days, people.

(Leah, I'm saving up until I have a lot of time because I'm having some really intense emotions about leaving you... I don't want to have just a casual conversation... but I do care... so I'll call.)

(And CW seriously call me, dude. I'm LEAVING.)

Happy Christmas! 06

PJ's, playing guitar, hiking with ridiculously enormous backpacks, practicing with all of our weapons (except Joy-the-pacificist, of course), playing basketball, grillz, dancing around like maniacs, eating copious amounts of food, stockings = McCarty Christmas.

Happy happy happy.

(Grumpy, sleepy, dopey, doc...)