Good day

Today is a good day... already. I slept in so late, woke to an empty house, prepared and consumed copulant amounts of coffee, and sat down at the piano. Sometimes I forget that what God really wants of me is worship. I get fixated on self-improvement or life-direction and just lose sight. What a pleasure it is to be drawn back. So many of my inconsistencies and fears in life and love come from losing sight. And it's a blessing to be drawn back rather than knocked back into a rightness, a simplicity, a peace.

Song of Solomon 8:10b says, "...then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace."

Peace to me is freedom: freedom from preoccupation with the specificities and worrisome tasks of life, freedom from a compulsion to be a certain way, or think a certain way, or feel a certain way. I feel most at peace when I feel free to do or not do what I please. Perhaps the dysfunctional spin on this is my committment-phobia (I don't want to be tied down to a certain person or plan). I think there is also a healthy spin, though, in that my freedom is always to be anchored to God. I don't ever crave a freedom from God, because life has taught me that security necessitates Him... and true freedom is never freedom from the boundaries he sets up, because only therein am I saved.

I love the circle of emotions... the continuity of life... the bitter-sweet flavor of coffee... Mitchell's chunky cheeks... my new tattoo... baby Nicky saying "hold you, hold you," ... a pink sunset... my dramatic family... a good nap... a peaceful heart.