Un jet lagging

My thought is that eventually one day I absolutely have to recover from jet lag. Well, I finally feel myself emerging somewhat from the fog. I'm beginning to feel more normal. However, I think I'm also paying for my time of honesty and questioning at L'Abri. I don't feel the typical cynicism or jaded perspective on things... I feel ripped open. I think asking myself questions (honestly) like, "is God real?" "is God good?" "why is God so mean?" and other more violent questions hasn't so much shaken me as alienated me. Being asked by my grandparents if the virgin birth is necessary for salvation... I couldn't give a straight answer. I can't do that anymore. There're too many things to think and too many components of genuine Christian thinking to spout a pat answer to someone. I don't have many answers. But I have to admit that I kind of feel alone in my questioning... and alienated in many of my conclusions.